Living on my own

It’s time people. It’s time.

I haven’t lived on my own in more than 7 years and even when I was living by myself it was only a 5 month period of time while I was going through my divorce. That was not a great time. I won’t lie, there were lots of sleepless nights and way too much drinking alone that resulted in ripping up all of our wedding photos. Yes, I took a picture of that.

I hated being alone and feeling like I didn’t matter. Luckily I have amazing friends that helped me re-furnish my place and make it my own. After some counseling and soul searching, I finally got comfortable with having my own place. Until that one day when my landlord came in to fix something in the kitchen and left the water running in the sink and it overflowed.

By that time I was dating again and either never home or always had someone over. Yes, I know it’s a bit absurd but it’s comforting to have another human being close to me at night. When I was in my mid 20s I spent at least a year not dating this one guy, but 3 or 4 nights a week we would have completely platonic sleepovers. It never felt strange and besides, he could cook and had cute cats.

So really, when you add up all the time I’ve spent living by myself in the last 36 years, it amounts to about a year.. maybe a little more. This is what happens when you get married at 26. You really don’t spend enough time getting to know yourself. I know that now, which is why I’m actually really excited to live on my own.

It has been stressful and it will continue to be until I feel like it’s MY place. Paint colors are overwhelming people!! I know it sounds ridiculous, but who the hell knew there were so many shades of grey? No, I have not read that book, but I hear there are 50.

Lame. I broke down on my carpet yesterday because I had 2 people just not show up for their appointments to quote me hardwood floor repairs. Well that, and not being able to move what little furniture I have because I live in Colorado and it snowed 6 inches overnight.

I had a friend remind me that I’m over-reacting and to cut that shit out. So I’m gonna. I finally picked paint colors, or so I think, and someone can paint my condo this week. It will feel better. It will feel like it’s mine. Also, I ordered new sheets, etc for my bed and there’s nothing that says mine more than where you sleep. Thread count people. That, and bunny pillows. That’s what I call whatever pillows my girlfriend has. They are amazing. So soft and cuddly. I need to get my tooshie to Target and purchased about 10 of them. That way when I sleep at night it will feel like I’m surrounded by bunnies.

I’m moving into a new phase of my life. It’s hard in a lot of respects, but it’s also incredibly freeing. I haven’t felt more like me in a long time. I’m being more open and honest about everything than I have in years and it feels amazing. Figuring out who I am and what I want because somewhere I lost that.